Just Love Me
by Emerald447
Summary: Penny, has again, rejected Leonard, causing him to turn to alcohol. The Leonard we know and love eventually disappears, and Sheldon is the one most in danger.
1. Chapter 1

**NEW FANDOM! :) Long time, no see! A year, perhaps more since I have published a story? Anyway this is story was something I thought about not long ago. **

**Sorry for any Grammar or Spelling mistakes.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Things had changed. They kept it hidden well from Raj and Howard, even Penny. But nobody knew what happened in the bleakest of times in the apartment. Yes, people had noticed subtle changes in Sheldon, but nothing to cause alarm. They concluded that it was just "Sheldon".<p>

Leonard had been depressed after Penny had turned him down one other time. He was drinking more, and coming home later. Sheldon's innocent mind never thought much more of this than the significant damage he was doing to his liver and brain cells. But he never anticipated that his roommate would turn into the monster he was now. He never thought in a million years.

The first time it had happened, Leonard had screamed and thrown things around the room, including Sheldon's laptop. He had to make an excuse the next day as to why it was being repaired. Leonard's alcohol induced anger was like nothing Sheldon had ever seen before in his life. He was frightened and scared, and when Leonard stumbled over to Sheldon, apologizing for his rant, Sheldon thought it was over. But when Leonard grabbed his roommate's collar and kissed him, Sheldon immediately moved away. Leonard had gotten angry, and slapped him. Nobody had hit Sheldon before in his life, and it frightened him. Despite their sizes, Leonard had complete dominance over them, simply because he was more confident in his statue. Sheldon had shouted and screamed, but Leonard muffled the noise with his hand. Once Leonard entered Sheldon, he had quieted. He went limp as jelly, and his subtle moans were hardly heard. He cursed under his breath at his body's unwanted pleasure. At that moment, he was Leonard's doll. He had no control over anything he did. He couldn't move his hands, his legs or his head.

Of course, Leonard the next day had guiltily entered his bedroom with tear stained eyes and apologized, promising anything he wanted to Sheldon. Sheldon sat on his bed, his legs crossed, his eyes not moving as he subconsciously heard Leonard's rambling apologies, and nodded.

He thought he could trust Leonard. He would never do it again. He needed Leonard. After all of these years, he was the only one who understood, and put up with him. Sheldon knew he was a difficult person, and that perhaps Leonard's outburst of anger was a one off alcohol induced episode, and that some of it was due to Sheldon's personality. Maybe he had deserved it just that once? And although he cried himself to sleep that night after his virginity had been taken from him, he couldn't help but forgive his best friend.

And they went on like it had never happened. But Leonard's depression fueled deeper. And it eventually happened. Again and again, several times a week sometimes.

And Sheldon no longer cried, and no longer struggled. And Leonard was hardly ever violent, just as long as he was in control. He would come home a night, and Sheldon would be asleep on his side. Leonard would sneak into bed and grab him around the waist, entangling his hands with his and kissing his neck, or sometimes fondling him until he woke up. Sheldon would lie there as Leonard used him for his own pleasure. Leonard would whisper that he loved him, and that he loved having sex with him. It made Sheldon blush with embarrassment. Sometimes, Sheldon couldn't do it, and Leonard would get angry. It was not Sheldon's fault of course. He was one of the least sexual human beings imaginable, and it was understandable, not to Leonard, though it should have been, that Sheldon could not perform all of the time. So he would just lay with him and guide Sheldon's hand to his crotch, telling him to fondle him until he fell asleep.

Sheldon had pleaded with Penny to give Leonard another chance. He had however, only done that once. For the realization hit him that he could perhaps treat Penny the same. Leonard had changed, and was drinking more. Who knew if that would resolve, even if they did get back together? He never wanted Penny to be treated the way he was. And if Leonard ever did, Sheldon would make sure it stopped. But as long as it was only he, Sheldon had no power over anything.

Having the control over Sheldon changed Leonard for the worse. He no longer needed to be drunk to rape Sheldon. He knew exactly what he was doing. But not once had Sheldon had sex with Leonard, had he wanted it. He had endured it, and even orgasmed, but he had never wanted any of it.

Sheldon blamed himself in a way for the way Leonard treated him. He should have said no, should have gotten help to begin with. But Leonard still paid rent, and he still drove him everywhere, bought him movies, and took him out when he needed to. Sheldon depended on Leonard for everything, and was frightened of Leonard's reaction or actions if he told him to leave.

Sheldon couldn't help but cry when he reflected on all of this. And it was worse when they were having sex. He cried often, and Leonard would either ignore it, or try and make him feel better by telling him he loved him, respected him, and needed him. He would get down on his knees and pleasure Sheldon, but it only made him cry more.

Leonard had to be sick. There must be something wrong with him mentally. Sheldon thought that was the only logical explanation for his behavior. Could it be a mental illness that had become out of control? He was tempted to call Leonard's mother, but nobody could know. Nobody. Could Sheldon live like this? First, as an erratic germaphobe who insisted he was a Homo Novus, to having unwanted sex every week?

People were eventually become suspicious about Sheldon's changed personality, but funnily enough, not to Leonard's. Sheldon wasn't sleeping, and became more tired every day. Countless questions in the cafeteria had Sheldon dodging around answers, whilst Leonard finished his meal quietly.

It was becoming too much for Sheldon. He couldn't function. And when Leonard had sneaked into his bedroom that night and wrapped his arms around his roommate, Sheldon turned around.

"Leonard, please, no more."

Leonard cocked his head.

"What do you mean no more?"

"I don't want to do this anymore. I never did. Please, leave me."

Leonard narrowed his eyes and immediately straddled his friend. Sheldon could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"You don't know what you want. I am helping you." He whispered into his ear before working on the button on Sheldon's pajama pants.

Sheldon didn't want to loose Leonard. A month of bad behavior did not rule out years of valued friendship. But he didn't know how much longer he could take it.

"Leonard, please, I do…I know what I want. I don't want this. Stop it, please."

Leonard fondled Sheldon's crotch and made him jump with unwanted pleasure.

"I think you do." He whispered. Sheldon stammered.

"A…a normal biological response." He said. "I can't help it."

Leonard smirked and silenced him with a kiss. A tear fell from Sheldon's cheek. Leonard wiped it away.

"It's okay…I want to make you feel good. To make both of us feel good." But the way he said it, was threatening. It was as if Sheldon had no choice. "Just love me Sheldon. Love me."

And with that, he was silenced.

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><p>"Howard, dude you have to go in there." Said Raj in the hall. He pointed to the office he shared with Sheldon.<p>

"What? Why?"

"Sheldon." Whispered Raj. "He's crying."

Howard's mouth fell open.

"What? No he isn't. Sheldon doesn't cry."

Raj motioned to the door. Howard put his ear to the wood and listened. He heard sobbing that sounded like Sheldon.

"Why is he crying?"

Raj shrugged.

"I dunno, but I can't talk to him like that!"

Howard rolled his eyes as he knocked on the door. There was no reply. Howard entered the room slowly. He saw Sheldon with his head on his desk.

"Sheldon? Hey, what's the matter buddy?" asked Howard shutting the door with Raj behind him.

Sheldon looked up with a red, tear stained face. His lip quivered.

"Oh, oh Howard." He whispered. "Howard, you have to help me."

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><p>As Leonard worked in his office, Howard came storming into the room with Raj behind him. Leonard looked up.<p>

"What's up guys?"

Immediately, Howard's fist met Leonard's face. It knocked him off the chair and onto the floor. He writhed in agony as he got up quickly for his own protection.

"What the hell was that for?" he shouted. Howard was shaking with rage.

"Get the fuck out of here." He said loudly. Raj nodded, balling his fists in his hands.

"What has gotten into you?" Said Leonard, feeling his face.

"You," started Howard. "Leave the University, leave the apartment, and never come back."

Leonard immediately stared at the two men in the room.

"You've spoken to Sheldon, I see."

"You're a sick bastard. And unless you want to spend the rest of your life in gaol, I suggest you move it, right now." Said Raj in a threatening manor.

Leonard heavily sighed and looked around.

"So, what, you just want me to leave the life I have?"

"You're lucky you still have one." Said Howard. He closed the distance between them so he was breathing on Leonard's face.

"You will never touch Sheldon again. Get the fuck out of here."

Leonard glared at the two men in the room. He immediately brushed past them as he left. Howard was still shaking with rage as the door closed. Raj swallowed, leaning on the desk and putting his head in his hands.

"C'mon." said Howard. "We have to take Sheldon home."

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><p>Sheldon was in his bedroom as Leonard packed some of his things. It was impossible to take it all, but with the threat of calling the police still an option, Leonard wanted to get out of there. He had a bottle of vodka in his hand as he zipped up the suitcases. Howard and Raj were in he living room waiting for him to emerge. It only took him a couple of trips to his car to pack up the majority of his bedroom. He swallowed as he rolled his last suitcases, and holding a cardboard box into the living room. He glared at the men, and slammed the door. Before he went down the stairs to leave, he looked across the hall. He checked his watch, and knew she would be home. He also knew he would never see her again. He hated her. He loved her and lusted for her, but he hated her. She was the reason this started. If she had only said yes. He took another skull of Vodka and knocked on her door. Penny opened it and smiled. She obviously had no idea what was going on.<p>

"Hey Leonard." She said casually. She looked at the alcohol in his hand. "Tough day? Hey, what's with the suitcases?"

"I fucked Sheldon." He said. "I fucked him when he didn't want it."

Penny's mouth dropped.

"What?"

"And guess what, it's all your fault." He smiled taking another gulp. "You should have just gone out with me, bitch, and he wouldn't have been involved."

Penny folded her arms, speechless.

"And every time he was writhing underneath me, and crying, and pleading for me to stop, I thought of you."

A tear fell down her cheek.

"I hope you die, you…you whore."

And with that, he turned around and went down the stairs. Penny stood at the door for a moment, before running to the top of the stairs.

"Leonard?" she was breathing heavily, and more tears escaped her eyes.

"Leonard, you get back here!" She shouted it at the top of her lungs, but all she heard was the roll of his suitcases slowly disappearing. She stood there breathing heavily, before storming into the apartment across from her. She opened the door to find Raj and Howard standing in the living room. They looked at her as she looked at them.

"Where is he?" she sobbed.

"Penny, wait…." Started Howard.

But she had already made her way down the hall. She opened the door to Sheldon's room, to find him sitting on the floor, playing with a model of train. She swallowed as she walked towards him.

"Sheldon?" she whispered. She couldn't see his face. She knelt down next to him and lifted his chin to find him red faced with bloodshot eyes. He whimpered as he looked at her.

"Oh, oh sweetie." She embraced him straight away. Sheldon immediately forgot about his rules of touching, and was just pleased to have some physical contact that was not threatening or uncomfortable. He dropped his model and hugged her back, breaking down into violent cries.

"I am so sorry." She whispered as she rocked him back and fourth. "I am so sorry."

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><p>They were in the living room. Sheldon was in his spot holding a pillow. Howard was next to him, as was Raj. Penny was pacing backwards and forwards.<p>

"We have to do something!" she said. "We have to call the police."

Sheldon's head shot up.

"No police!" he said.

Penny sighed and kneeled down to his level.

"So, you just want to let him get away with it?" said kindly and softly.

Sheldon swallowed and nodded.

"Penny, Leonard was a good friend. These last couple of months, he was sick, depressed. I…I just hope this will encourage him to get some help."

Penny shook her head.

"He did everything for me!" continued Sheldon. "I know…I know I am not the easiest person to get along with, but he put up with me! He drove me places, he paid rent, and…."

"Sheldon, he raped you." Whispered Howard putting his hand on his shoulder. Sheldon swallowed.

"I know…"

The room went silent. Sheldon stood up.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to have a shower." He nodded to everyone in the room, and made his way into the bathroom. When the door closed, Penny turned to Howard.

"He can't be here alone." Said Penny. Howard and Raj nodded.

"I'll stay for a couple of days." Whispered Howard.

Penny nodded as she sat down in the chair opposite the couch. The three of them were shocked, sad, and worried.

"How is Sheldon ever going to recover from this?" whispered Howard.

It was what they were all thinking as they heard the sobs and cries of Sheldon emerging from the shower.

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><p><strong>I love angst. I am not sure if I will continue. We shall see. <strong>

**AUTHORS NOTE: The spelling of "Gaol" is the Australian spelling for "Jail". Since I am Australian, I thought it appropriate to use the right spelling for what I was taught!**

**Thank's for reading! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for your kind feedback! I decided to continue on. I hope you like this chapter. I would just like to let you guys know, that I am not as smart as Sheldon, Howard or Amy, so if their dialogue seems less intelligent, I do apologise! I hope you enjoy it! Thank you! :)**

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><p>Sheldon was quietly sitting on the couch that evening. Raj had gone home. Howard had made Sheldon some tea.<p>

"Thank you." Whispered Sheldon. Howard smiled, sitting down. He then sighed.

"Listen, Sheldon, there are some things you have to tell me. Okay? Please listen to me."

Sheldon didn't reply.

"When was the last time it happened?" Howard fidgeted with his hands. Sheldon sighed.

"Last night." He said quietly. Howard nodded.

"And…and do you know if he was having sex with anybody else at the time? Guys or girls?"

Sheldon felt a tear fall down his cheek.

"Howard, if you are trying to determine whether Leonard had some sort of sexually transmitted disease, the answer is no."

The room fell silent.

"Okay." Said Howard reassuringly. "I just want to figure everything out here."

Sheldon took another sip of his tea. He repositioned himself in his spot.

"Do…do you have any questions?" asked Howard. Sheldon turned to his friend.

"What sort of questions?"

"Jesus." Whispered Howard. He looked up and swallowed. "Look Sheldon, I know it was your first time. Leonard did things to you that you were never ready for. I…I just wanted to know if you wanted to talk about anything that happened to you. To get it off your chest."

"Are you an engineer, or a psychiatrist?" said Sheldon coldly. Howard looked taken back.

"I'm sorry." Said Howard. He quieted. The room became awkward. Sheldon sighed.

"I understand Howard." He said slowly. "Thank you for your concern."

Howard nodded.

"And…and what about Amy?"

Sheldon looked back up.

"What about Amy?" he asked.

"You have to tell her."

"I am not telling Amy anything."

"Sheldon-"

"THIS DID NOT HAPPEN TO YOU!" shouted Sheldon. He stood up and smashed his cup of tea to the ground. Howard flinched, never seeing Sheldon this angry before in his life. Sheldon took a couple of deep breaths, tightening his fists. He just stood there.

"Sheldon, she's your girlfriend…it's important that she knows."

"I know." Whispered Sheldon. He fell into a heap on the ground, bursting into tears. Howard got off the couch and joined him on the floor putting an arm around his neck.

They heard Penny open the door. She was shaking and had teary eyes. Sheldon looked to the both of them.

"I can't tell her." He whispered, sobbing and gasping.

"I will." Said Penny. Sheldon looked to Penny and slightly nodded.

"Thank you." He sobbed. Penny walked towards the two men on the floor and sat down next to them, crossing her legs.

"I think you need to take some time off." Said Howard. Sheldon's head snapped up.

"I have research…I have…I have too much to do-"

"I think that Howard is right." Said Penny. Sheldon sighed. He knew that they were right. They knew this is what he needed.

"Fine." He muttered. He stood up.

"I'll clean this up, and go to bed." He said. The two watched him shakily move around the apartment, before heading down the hall and closing the door. Penny put her head in her hands.

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><p>It was nearly lunchtime that Saturday when the door burst open and Amy came flying through the apartment to where Sheldon was standing in the kitchen. She embraced him straight away, not saying a word. Sheldon awkwardly put his arms around her, feeling some tears dwell in his eyes once again. But he managed to push them back. He was glad that nobody else was in the apartment at the moment. Amy gestured him to sit down on the couch. She touched his face, tears pouring from her eyes.<p>

"Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered. He shrugged, sobbing.

"I…I didn't want you to think any less of me."

Amy actually laughed.

"No matter what ever happens, you will always be the great Sheldon Cooper to me."

He smiled back at her, appreciating her words. He then yawned.

"I…I haven't been sleeping very well." He said. "I was hoping I could ask something of you."

Amy nodded.

"Anything."

"Will you lie with me? Just, be there. I mean, I just want somebody to be with me, and not hurt me, or make me feel violated."

Amy started to cry. Sheldon never let anybody in his bedroom. He never let anybody in the same bed as him. And now, he wanted her to just be there for him. He must really be tortured.

"Of course." She whispered. He nodded, heading to his bedroom. Amy followed. As they lay on the bed on their backs, Amy entwined her hand in his, and he squeezed it tight.

"Amy?" he whispered.

"Hmm?" she hummed.

"I'm sorry."

She turned her head.

"What on Earth do you have to feel sorry about?"

He hesitated, before wiping his eyes.

"I'm sorry that you weren't my first."

Amy chocked on her words.

"Never, say that again." She whispered. "I don't care. As long as you are in my life, I don't care."

He sighed and swallowed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

He shrugged.

"Ever since people have been asking me that, I had been avoiding the question. But now, now I feel differently. I know the social concept of talking about traumatic experiences, and how it is vital to recovery." He took a deep breath and turned his head to look at her.

"Talk to me Sheldon. Anything, I will listen. I promise."

He squeezed her hand tightly.

"He was drinking so much. He would come home and be passed out on the floor, and I would have to drape a blanket around him."

She nodded.

"He just did it," he whispered. "He didn't wait, he didn't request anything from me. He just hit me, turned me around, and did it."

The tears were flowing again. Amy sniffled wiping some of them away from his cheek.

"And, he did it like it was normal, like it was okay. But it wasn't and I knew it wasn't."

Amy just nodded and squeezed his hand tighter.

"But the worst thing, oh goodness, Amy, the worst thing, was that, only half the time was it uncomfortable. The rest…" he started to cry, not stopping his tears. Amy knew what he meant.

"Sheldon, you know better than anybody that you can't control the biological reactions that happen to your body when stimulated." She whispered. "Please, please understand that. It is not your fault. It is his. He forced you to feel those things. He forced you to feel that way."

He nodded.

"I'm trying." He whispered.

"Good." Amy said with a slight smile, squeezing his hand tighter. He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, drifting into his thoughts. Amy looked to her boyfriend. He looked so peaceful, so calm. But this is where it had happened. Her boyfriend had been raped right here where she was lying. She could imagine him crying, helpless, grasping onto anything he could find as Leonard took advantage of him, writhed on top of him. Her beautiful Sheldon, terrified and scared. She gulped leaning her head onto his shoulder.

"Thank you for lying with me." He whispered. "You don't know how much you're helping me."

Amy nodded, squeezing his hand again.

"Nobody is going to hurt you again." She said reassuringly.

Sheldon wanted to believe it, but he couldn't. He nodded however, trying to make his girlfriend feel better. There, they stopped talking, and drifted into a peaceful sleep.

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><p>"Sheldon?" shouted Penny as she entered the apartment. She had picked up a few items from the store for him. She placed the bags in the kitchen. As she went down the hall, she noticed Sheldon's door ajar. She peeked through to see Sheldon and Amy, hands entwined, sleeping on top of the bed. She smiled, closing the door and walked away.<p> 


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